Being insomniac, homeless and unemployed opens unseen opportunities for an everyday man. Or a woman, of course. Amongst them reigns my favourite one — late night shopping.

Shopping as such does not thrill me. How can it? There’s no passion in pushing a supermarket trolley for oneself or — to be more accurate — to push a trolley for one’s mother, girlfriend or girlfriend’s mother. That’s exactly how I remember shopping for some thirty-plus years. Of course, there’s always a bonus of having to avoid collisions with a myriad of other trolleys, ill-mannered kids and then — when the crusade seems to be almost accomplished — there’s a never-ending snail-paced queue to be conquered.

How cool is that? One is sweating or freezing, depending on an air-con settings, can’t wait to get out of there and then the cashier cannot find/scan an item or there’s a dispute about a bill. Or the computer system goes down. Or anything.

On the other hand, there’s a late night shopping. And I do mean late by saying late. ‘Cos in Sydney, many people think a late night shopping is shopping till 8 pm. They’re wrong, obviously. Late night shopping means shopping late at night. Like, let’s say, 3 am (my favourite time). Obviously, one has to live in a larger city and in a proximity of a non-stop shopping centre, sometimes called a hypermarket.

Now, before we move further, let me explain etymology of a hypermarket in short. Once, there were ordinary shops. Then, there were supermarkets; those were selling more or less anything from groceries to toothbrushes. And then, later on, hypermarkets took over. If super means kilo in a marketing newspeak, then hyper stands for mega.

A hypermarket is a place where you can buy almost anything you may need late at night. A fresh apple. A toothbrush. A Milli Vanilli CD. A plasma TV. A bicycle. A new sofa. Anything you please.

Imagine such a hyper vast space, no customers, a tranquil night — and it’s yours to shop. That’s what a late night shopping is all about. There’s no screaming children, there’s no trolley traffic jams, in fact there’s no need for a trolley at all, unless one’s getting more than they can carry, and there’s no queues at registers. It’s like a sci-fi in making. All but masochists and slow-witted must understand definite advantages for a a human being — time saving, mental health protection and the like.

I have enjoyed shopping at night ever since they had opened a hypermarket close to my home about a decade ago. Back then, it was me encouraging friends to go shopping after 11 pm, and now again, it’s me strolling through isles when everybody sleeps. Clearly, it’s a great way to fight insomnia. Having been shown keys to a new pad in Prague recently, there’s also lots to shop for. During my first night, I bought myself blankets, sheets and pillows. A number of small appliances followed. Then a book or two.

Hm… That reminds me that I was planning to get an armchair tonight. I’ve heard it’s simple to beat insomnia sitting in an armchair, reading classics and listening to some, too. Maybe Kafka & Dvořák will happen to be a good combination, being in Prague. I just get that armchair first…